Throughout the year, I receive numerous requests for etiquette
advice from writers. Many wonder how etiquette has changed in the
last fifty years and what those changes are. Some even consider the
relevance of etiquette. What follows are my responses to an
inquiry about women’s social graces in today’s world.
What
has changed; what remains the same; how should a woman act in a world full of
cellphones, distractions, and evolving gender roles?
For many decades, women
have fought for equality. This led the movement from housewife to
coworker. No doubt the movement is a positive, consider how this affected
our children’s finer skills not taught in schools, such as manners and social
skills training.
Most children learn
these skills only at home or in classes such as mine. Still, no classes
compare to the daily interaction with parents. Consider the many years of
women attempting to compete with men in the workplace and this helps explain
the generations of people without social skills and basic manners.
The
tide is turning toward the well-mannered.
Interestingly though,
times are changing yet again. In the last two decades—although it seems
sudden—both genders appear to be extremely interested in old-fashion
manners. Perhaps it is due to the over-the-top hateful behavior
displayed in social media, television, and face-to-face encounters. We
could also fold in the fact that parenting has become a joint
endeavor. More men decide to become full-time parents and more work
from home. If this trend continues, as it appears it may, this next
generation may be more well-mannered and empathetic than the previous
three.
How
others view us is important. What can we do?
If we behave and act as
we wished to be viewed by others, I believe we would be viewed more positively
and achieve more. The desired image is only achieved if our communication
skills—verbal and non-verbal—are included as well.
Example: if our desired
image is nice, socially savvy, and successful, or soon to be, we should assume
the position. Stand tall, head up with a positive facial
expression. Young adults could benefit the most here, because many tend
to view them as young, untested children. But when the young assume a
confident stance, respect follows.
Besides attending to
body language, attire is vital part of our non-verbal communication.
Often, young women expose a bit more than is advisable in some
circumstances. If we dress as if they are going out on the town when in
the workplace, we lose credibility. Less visible cleavage controls
downward eye movement to a more appropriate position: our eyes.
Also, our gait,
movements, voice, and how we interact with others telegraphs who we are and how
we want to be viewed. To put in simply and briefly, we should consider
how our actions affect others before we do anything.
For example, if we walk and talk loudly, it may affect others around us
negatively. Cursing could offend others as well.
What
attributes should a graceful modern woman possess?
The "graceful
modern woman" package may be something many have forgotten about or feel
that we cannot incorporate into our behavior. Perhaps we fear appearing
weak. If true, put those fears aside because nice works.
Today's graceful female can be strong, confident, educated, but
also ‘nice’. Nice people are empathetic, and they listen—vitally
important.
For example: A strong,
confident, graceful woman would likely reach out to someone having a bad day,
is sad or appears lost. If she is a ‘regular’ at a store, she would
greet store associates and listen to their stories. She would enquire
about their lives. She NOTICES others and they—in turn—notice her in a
positive light.
Nice does not detract
from a strong and confident image.
My
biggest pet peeve?
My biggest pet peeve is
poor cellphone manners. It is common to find five people
sitting at a communal table not talking to another while staring at their
phones. Sometimes it feels like the death of social skills. It is
my hope that people remember that interacting with the real person
in front of us could lead to a memorable moment. Those moments are
special. Human interactions…priceless.
Please
Read
Etiquette
101: Top Three Gum Chewing No-No’s
Etiquette 101: How-to Host an Adult
Birthday Party That Will Please Your Guests
Yikes! Cell Phone Abuser is at it
Again! I Can Help With That
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