The Polite One's Insights

  In our culture, shaking hands is a validation, a statement of trust.  Just consider these statements: “Sealed with a firm handshake.” “He met me with a smile and a firm handshake.”  It is like a seal of commitment, like a contract to be honest and good.  Of course, this really is no guarantee of behavior.  Nevertheless, we do tend to trust those who smile, make good eye contact, and shake our hands.  Considering this, what do we do when we honestly do not want to shake hands with others?  The reasons are many, some grounded in science—especially with viruses like Covid—and fact, and some grounded in our own compulsions.  But all reasons are valid for us.  Taking our reasoning into the mix, does this make our refusal of the handshake any less insulting?  Is The Refusal of a Handshake Insulting? In the past, it was insulting to refuse a handshake because it is an intimate act.  Yes, intimate.  Because trust is involved,...

  I have updated this decade-old in-depth interview that focused on me as a professional, etiquette, manners, and societal expectations in general.  At the time, I was presenting workshops and private sessions—well before I retired.  Amazingly, not much has changed in the etiquette world.  One huge exception, and disappointment, is how a faction of our society appears oblivious to how their actions affect others.  This is a step backward.  Still, I believe we will recover as we have in the past.  It’s up to all of us to ensure it happens soon.  Please read on. How did you begin and develop your career as an etiquette professional and consultant? Originally, I created my first etiquette course for the classroom.  I'm a teacher.  It was quite a hit with the children, their parents, and other teachers in the school.  So, when I decided to retire early from the classroom in 1994, I decided to teach etiquette.  I didn't begi...