The Polite One's Insights

  Celebrating the new year with a new home?  If so, you may be considering a housewarming party to break the new place in.  Often homeowner hosts this commonplace party for close friends, family, and—perhaps—a few new neighbors.  The premise is that you are "warming your home with love." Not stuff from others. While gifts are common, they are typically small token gifts , such as candles, picture frames, wine, plants, or a coffee table book.  However, gifts should never be expected and never the focus.  No gift table.  It’s not polite. There seems to be a bit of confusion surrounding this simple tradition.  In fact, some are confusing this party with a bridal shower, even calling it a "housewarming shower."  Regrettably, some homeowners register and expect expensive gifts from their guests.  Frankly, there is no such thing as a housewarming shower.  A housewarming shower has never been a thing . Embarrassingly, w...

  Giving gifts during the holidays can be tricky, expensive, and, at times, embarrassing if we “regift” improperly.  Follow along as I cover what most have queried in the past.  Can Re-Gifting be Done Politely? Of course, but it must be done very carefully.  Here are the rules: The receiver shouldn’t know the original giver.  The gift must be in the original packaging and never used.  It shouldn’t be a unique or a useless gift.  The original card should be removed.  It should be something the giver is sure the receiver would want. General Gift-Giving Suggestions Often givers feel obligated so often don’t give thoughtful gifts .  Also, many are confused and do not know who they should give gifts to.  So, we should only give gifts to those whom we really want to give and consider the person as we choose the gift.  This also means that we can and should keep our gift-giving list intimate. Give from the heart. Some...

Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors.  Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populous can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.  Alternately, there is always that kind person paying it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that would make all my holiday dreams come true.  We Are Not the Center of the Universe Surpris...

  The holidays arrive with a flurry of family events, the first of which is Thanksgiving.  Many of us consider thankfulness, like being thankful for the food on our plate and the good health of our family—especially during Covid.  Definitely, these are worthy of our thanks.  Create a Focus But in the realities of the day, we are probably also most thankful when the entire family can sit down peaceably and behave in a cordial manner, which is a stretch at times.  Often when a bunch of personalities sits at one table, even family , at least one person says something to upset another.  It may help for all of us to focus on what is important.  It isn’t who baked the best pie or who gets to sit next to grandpa.  It is, in essence, time and people.  We are taking the time to spend with those who matter most to us.  Now that we have our focus, perhaps it is time to discuss some strategies and rules.  Start with a Plan While ...

Steps to Follow For Stress-Free Family Gatherings The family dynamic is changing ever faster and diversifying with multiple parental figures, spouses, sets of grandparents, and stepsiblings to visit and host during the holidays. Fold into this crazy mixture, different religions, ethnicities, and political leanings and it may be difficult to get along and enjoy this holiday season.  Therefore, we need a game plan.  Schedule and Separate If hosting, it is best to schedule different times for the divorced and never mention the former spouse unless asked directly.  Separation is best.  Speaking of separation, keep combatants as far apart as possible.  State the rules upfront: no discussion of ...usual button-pushing topics.  Simply, rules should include avoidance of politics or religion during family visits unless everyone shares the same beliefs.  For those guests visiting from out of town, reserve private time to visit—unless this isn't your f...

How Party Etiquette Changed & is Hosting Easier or Harder? Dear Polite One, How has party etiquette changed during the last decades?   What makes throwing parties easier or harder today?   What are the qualities of the best hosts you’ve ever seen?   What about the worst? Party Person Dear Party Person, I don’t really think party etiquette has changed much except that we have more options.   It is not just crate paper and balloons these days.   Television, exposure to many other cultures, and the Marthas of the world have opened our eyes to giving parties in a variety of ways.   So, I believe hosting parties is somewhat easier today because we can choose between a wide variety of themes and still be considered fashionable, or etiquette (ly) correct. As for hosts, the best hosts are those who behave as if they want to spend time with every guest in attendance.   They plan well.   They provide adequate food and beverages, r...