The Polite One's Insights

Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors.  Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populous can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.  Alternately, there is always that kind person paying it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that would make all my holiday dreams come true.  We Are Not the Center of the Universe Surpris...

Exploring the Gift Mania Craze How and when did this happen?   It seems that suddenly, the masses consider most any occasion a gift-giving situation.   Taking it a greedy step further, the gift-crazed often create personalized gift-giving events.   Even worse, these gift-miners inform their dollar-poor guests what gifts they prefer.   To that, I must say, “Yikes!”   Some etiquette rules evolved due to this phenomenon.   Whereas in the past, it was inappropriate to mention ‘no gifts please’ in birthday, graduation, vow renewal, and anniversary party invitations, now we can.   It was inevitable.   After all, when so many feel entitled to a gift, we need a little guidance.     Let us try to remember the basics.   Gifts should be given from the heart and because we want to give.   Most importantly, we should never expect one for any occasion.   Here is a bit of Q & A to help get us back on the proper etiquette roa...

  You’ve just been invited to a dinner party from a new neighbor’s home.  Undoubtedly you want to make a good impression.  It would be great to be on everyone’s guest list.  So, how do the best guests behave?  Read on to find out. Thank The Host As soon as you receive the invitation, thank the host, and offer to bring something. Take a hostess gift.  It may be a bottle of wine, flowers, or even a small box of chocolate.  You've Arrived.  Now What? Do not bring food except for a box of candy—or something similar—as a gift.  If you have offered to bring something and the host has agreed, then this is fine.  But typically, the host has the party menu planned and won’t have room for your contribution.  Arrive at the stated time or no more than fifteen minutes after.   Do not drink too much or bore everyone by dominating the conversation.  How to Know When it's Time to Leave? Leave the party when the...

When you've decided to hope a gathering.  You are now a host which means: you invite, you pay.  Hosts provide all refreshments and food . Never ask guests to bring the party.  If you invite, you entertain. Entertain your guests by inviting interesting people with similar views.  Interact with your guests and always ensure they are never thirsty or hungry.  They shouldn’t have to ask for anything. Do not frighten your guests with formality. Set the table with no more than three forks at a time even for a very formal party.  And forget the finger bowls for heaven’s sake.  Do not write ‘adult only event’ on the invitation. This is insulting to parents.  However, we can imply it by listing the party as a ‘ cocktail party’ and by scheduling it later in the evening.  Also, use an RSVP.  Ask the guests to call you so you can verbally inform them that this event is best child-free due to alcohol or the time of day.  Do not ...

  It may be difficult to believe, but not long ago, those hosting a dinner party , seated couples separately to encourage conversation.   For those of us who feel tethered—in a good way—to our significant other, this made for an uncomfortable evening.   Thankfully, this is no longer ‘the rule’.  Now the well-mannered host can seat couples next to each other and not fear a dull evening or a slap on the wrist from the etiquette police.  Who Are Your Guests? The great host always knows something about his/her guests and attempts to learn more, like food /beverage preferences and restrictions, and if the guest is talkative or shy.   This makes it much easier to seat them across from a couple that may complement them.   In fact, seating complementary guests across from one another helps liven a gathering.   Seeing others’ faces helps stimulate conversation greatly. Anyone Want to Know About Crowder Vs. Ling? It is best to also know abou...

  Etiquette 101: How-To Host a Perfect Holiday Party Ah, the smell of cinnamon sticks simmering in apple cider, the sound of laughter bouncing off walls, the sight of mistletoe dangling from the ceiling.  It must be the holiday party season!  With the holidays in sight, all would-be party planners are in high gear.   However, as the season progresses, those gears tend to get bogged down a bit with anxiety over nagging questions of decorum.  Because hosts want their guests to enjoy the party, they are uncertain about a myriad of issues.  Thus, have many questions.  Let us go over a few.        How soon do you send out invites for a holiday party ? The holiday season tends to become a blur with the numerous demanding engagements, gift shopping, and heightened emotions.  Therefore, it is best to send holiday party invitations at least three weeks in advance.  Evit...

  Birthday Party Etiquette Hosting an adult birthday party can be tricky since many don't realize it isn't a gift-giving event.  If gifts are expected, the birthday baby could appear greedy.  Imagine an adult birthday party resembling a child's party focusing on gifts--very silly, indeed.  On the positive side, because gifts are not the focus, it opens up the possibility of hosting our own.  This is a plus for those of us who view our friends as the best birthday present.   Now we can have our cake and eat it too! To assist us with hosting a party that will be viewed as positive and polite, here's a bit of birthday party etiquette Q & A. Dear Polite One, I invited 30 people (15 couples) to a birthday party I'm hosting for a 45-year-old male.  I designed the invitations to look like a ticket stub, which includes a door prize stub.  My question is this: What are appropriate door prizes? What should be...