The Polite One's Insights

Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors.  Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populous can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.  Alternately, there is always that kind person paying it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that would make all my holiday dreams come true.  We Are Not the Center of the Universe Surpris...

As an etiquette teacher, I'm often amazed at some of the odd behaviors I witness in grocery stores. I'm not alone.   Ask around and you will probably get an ear full about the clueless and impolite. Unfortunately, poor public behavior bordering on downright rude appears to be on the rise.   These poor behaviors resulted in an interview with me on a local network a few years ago. Since there's obviously interest, I've created a short tutorial on grocery store etiquette.   What is proper aisle etiquette? Whether it's hogging the entire aisle while searching for an item or chatting with another, we should realize that we share this space.  Be aware of where your cart is and that it is not obstructing others' progress.  Step to the side as others approach when in a conversation.  Everything we do affects others.  Therefore, we should all strive to affect others in a positive manner and never emulate the entitled "me first" persona.   ...

When visiting a restaurant, take your manners with you.  Please remember, in all cases, you are visiting and are a guest, as the restaurant is someone else’s property, so we respect it and all who are there.  Do Take your manners . Dress appropriately for the formality of the venue.  Dress conservatively.  Too much cleavage can be distracting. Use your parenting skills and mind the little ones. Use indoor voices. Turn the cell phone off. Remove the earbud from your ear; no one will beam you up anyway. Treat wait-staff politely. Ask about unusual ingredients and how the dish is prepared—fewer returned dishes.  Wait until everyone has received their meals before beginning to eat. Leave a tip of 15% to 25% of the pre-tax bill. Privately communicate if there is a problem with the meal, service, or venue.  The restaurant owner usually wants to know of any problems.  Don’t Be late!  Be on time for reservations. Wear hats...

Preparing a child for school is more than shopping for the newest fashions and making sure he/she has enough #2 pencils.  Children need to take their best manners to school.  Those with good manners are viewed as socially savvy and are well-liked.  Manners are first taught at home. Not taught at school, manners and social skills are taught by parents in the home, for which there is no better teacher.  This can be a daunting task but shouldn't be.  There are countless teachable moments during each day to use.  When parent and child are together and witness a child taking something from another, this is a teachable moment.  When the child steps into another's garden to pick a flower, this is a teachable moment.  A parenting parent uses this particular moment to tell the child to stop, asks where her tiny feet are and where they should be.  She would then know that it is disrespectful to go into a neighbor's garden bed.  Shared m...

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist Q)   Have manners lessened over time and why?  In the ‘50s, manners were taught in school.  Now manners and etiquette are not stressed at all.  Families too busy?? A) So true.  When I informed my mother of my intent to retire from my teaching career to teach, consult, and write about etiquette, she asked why.  She assumed manners were still taught in school.  Perhaps this is part of the problem.  Everyone is incredibly busy; we have more single parents, working parents , and children’s schedules are so full that a ten-year-old needs a cellphone calendar to stay organized—no one has spare time. This is the new family dynamic and parents act as if they assume that others are responsible for etiquette training.  Perhaps parents assume their children will learn vicariously through school or some after-school activity, plus they don’t want to waste any of their ti...

  Manners and Etiquette Tips from Children As an etiquette teacher, I cannot help but notice others' manners.  It's a curse.  Not that I'd comment negatively about etiquette breaches.  Nevertheless, I do notice.  The upside of this curse is that I also notice when people behave politely.  Sometimes they actually surprise me with their good manners , like when the young teen boy that ran over to open a door for an elderly lady or when the 10-year-old knew to say "excuse me" when he stepped in front of others.   Since many young people appear to lack these subtle manners, I become giddy and gushing with accolades when I witness these behaviors.  So, imagine my glee when I witnessed, not one, but multiple acts of great manners by children.  In these cases, the children weren't just using excellent manners; they were with parents who didn't.  They, in fact, were teaching their parents by example...

  Graduation Party Etiquette Every May, I receive a flood of questions concerning graduation party etiquette.  Some questions make me a bit queasy.  Nevertheless, the etiquette consultant in me won't allow it to show up in my answers even though I'd like to say, "You're kidding, right?"   The most Tums-worthy are questions concerning registering and gift requests.  Some parents are convinced that their child deserves a graduation party – including gifts – for minor achievements.  Unbelievably, this includes graduating from kindergarten to first grade.  I wish I were kidding, but no.    As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children values.  One of those most important values is empathy which begins with learning they are not the center of the universe. Rather, they are part of a grand world where they should participate and contribute.   In addition, they need to learn ...

Interview With an Etiquette Consultant As an etiquette consultant, I receive countless etiquette questions.  Many of these questions are from anchors from our local television networks.  So, I’m frequently interviewed.  As is typical this time of year, these interviews concern graduation party etiquette.  The most recent interview was more of a quiz, which made for a lively segment.  Of course, I would have loved to have begun by emphasizing what is most important: people over gifts.  Many times, grads – and their parents – place too much focus on gifts and not enough on their guests.  Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I only had time to quiz my favorite anchors.  It was a very enjoyable segment, and I was able to stump both anchors.  Read on to see if you do any better with your answers. Question number one: For whom may I host a graduation party? A. Kindergarten, high school, and ...

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist Please share your experiences!