The Polite One's Insights

Preparing a child for school is more than shopping for the newest fashions and making sure he/she has enough #2 pencils.  Children need to take their best manners to school.  Those with good manners are viewed as socially savvy and are well-liked.  Manners are first taught at home. Not taught at school, manners and social skills are taught by parents in the home, for which there is no better teacher.  This can be a daunting task but shouldn't be.  There are countless teachable moments during each day to use.  When parent and child are together and witness a child taking something from another, this is a teachable moment.  When the child steps into another's garden to pick a flower, this is a teachable moment.  A parenting parent uses this particular moment to tell the child to stop, asks where her tiny feet are and where they should be.  She would then know that it is disrespectful to go into a neighbor's garden bed.  Shared m...

Previously Published by Sierra Style and  is entirely revised and  rewritten .   Parenting involves more than just keeping our children safe and well-fed.  Our responsibilities extend to teaching our children fundamental life skills preparing them for a well-mannered, socially savvy future. Truly, your child will have no better teacher in his life.  We all recognize this.  So, as teachers, how do we teach our children the essential life skill ‘to be thankful’?  Where to Begin It seems like we could simply tell our children to say, “thank you” and that should be sufficient.  But for our children to learn thankfulness we need to do more than just talking-the-talk.  Thankfulness is something they must feel.  Still, we must begin with those magic words, while teaching basic manners .  Basic manners and expressing our thankfulness help our children learn, and feel, empathy and respect, which are vital tools for teaching our chi...

  This interview was to be a part of a new podcast but never aired.  We enjoyed our time together so much I felt the need to share this with you.   Acceptable Manners Different Today vs When You and I Were Kids? For the most part, general manners remain the same generation after generation.  Most of us know to say “Please, thank you and excuse me.”  Most of us know to hold the door for those behind us.  However, “etiquette” changes with each generation and now, even more often.  Etiquette is a set of rules society creates over a period of time.  For example, in my earlier years, it was considered impolite to talk loudly on a shared home phone.  It was also considered impolite to “hog” the phone.  Today, we—as a society—have decided that talking loudly on a cellphone in public is impolite.  Thus, manners are much the same, but how we apply them changes over time.  Biggest Manners Missing in Society? From my expe...

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist Q)   Have manners lessened over time and why?  In the ‘50s, manners were taught in school.  Now manners and etiquette are not stressed at all.  Families too busy?? A) So true.  When I informed my mother of my intent to retire from my teaching career to teach, consult, and write about etiquette, she asked why.  She assumed manners were still taught in school.  Perhaps this is part of the problem.  Everyone is incredibly busy; we have more single parents, working parents , and children’s schedules are so full that a ten-year-old needs a cellphone calendar to stay organized—no one has spare time. This is the new family dynamic and parents act as if they assume that others are responsible for etiquette training.  Perhaps parents assume their children will learn vicariously through school or some after-school activity, plus they don’t want to waste any of their ti...

  Halloween Etiquette Ghosts, ghouls, trick-or-treaters...oh my!  Halloween is the favorite holiday of many.  In fact, the national average, per-person spending on Halloween is well over $70. Since it appears we enjoy this holiday and enjoy sharing it with others, we really should consider the etiquette involved.   There are three major players in this Halloween game: trick -or-treaters, parents/escorts (those who escort the trick-or-treaters), and homebodies (candy suppliers).  Each of these players has very specific etiquette to follow.  Homies Those who choose to participate should make every effort to provide a safe environment by clearing the entry of anything that could be harmful to young ones.  Remember, they will be in costumes that may limit their eyesight. When they reach the door, smile, they are guests.  Offer candy to all, including escorts.   Besides the fact t...

Interview with Sacramento Press, Allison Joy Below is an older interview regarding a law in Brussels to promote good manners. When found rude, the offender would be forced to pay a fine. My View “At first glance, I found myself thrilled at the prospect of a rude-free zone or city," Black said regarding the story, "That is something I welcome and encourage daily. After the first few seconds, however, I considered the reality of the law. As much as I would like all people to be nice to each other, I do not agree with legislating behavior such as this. Monitoring others’ manners is in itself ‘rude.’ “Etiquette is basically the most common behaviors that are expected when in public. Generally, these rules are learned behaviors. For example, in our society, it is considered rude to step in between two people talking without saying ‘Excuse me.’ We all know this. When the rule is broken, it is regarded as rude and clueless. When we choose positive actions or behaviors-...

Interview by Lynette Hingle, Demand Media for USA Today Guests Lodging Etiquette According to Rebecca Black, wedding etiquette expert at Etiquette Now, “The bride and groom (or the bride’s parents) are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized.  Ms. Black advises that there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card.  You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the w...

  Etiquette 101: How-To be the Good Guest Ensure you are the guest who is always welcomed back by following these simple "good guest" rules. You have just been invited to a dinner party!  What do you do now?  Do you ask if you can bring anything?  Do you thank the host for the invitation?  Additionally, on the date of the affair do you arrive fashionably late, at the stated time, or early?  Hostess gift?  Is it necessary? A polite guest thanks the host for the invitation and offers to bring something to dinner, like a bottle of wine.  Although the gracious host declines, a good guest takes a hostess gift anyway.  This gift could be wine, flowers, or a small box of chocolates.  However, knowing your host's preferences, hobbies, and passions is golden. For example, one guest gave me a wine book as a hostess gift because he knew I love wine and teach "Wine Etiquette".  His name is o...

  Birthday Party Etiquette Hosting an adult birthday party can be tricky since many don't realize it isn't a gift-giving event.  If gifts are expected, the birthday baby could appear greedy.  Imagine an adult birthday party resembling a child's party focusing on gifts--very silly, indeed.  On the positive side, because gifts are not the focus, it opens up the possibility of hosting our own.  This is a plus for those of us who view our friends as the best birthday present.   Now we can have our cake and eat it too! To assist us with hosting a party that will be viewed as positive and polite, here's a bit of birthday party etiquette Q & A. Dear Polite One, I invited 30 people (15 couples) to a birthday party I'm hosting for a 45-year-old male.  I designed the invitations to look like a ticket stub, which includes a door prize stub.  My question is this: What are appropriate door prizes? What should be...

The When & How of Expected Thank You Notes  Electronic communication is a part of most everyone’s life these days but the handwritten thank - you note is as important now as it was in the past. It conveys much more than thanks. It conveys that you are a socially savvy , thankful person who recognizes those around you and that you value them --a powerful and positive message. And the great part about writing thank you notes is that it takes so little time to do something so constructive. For a Gift?  Special Invite? If the note is for a gift , always address the envelope to the names on the tag remember ing to use titles, such as “ Mrs. ” You can use first names on the note. If the thank you is for a special dinner or invitation , you could use only the couple’s name on the envelope and mention children in the card. Additionally, please send all thank - you notes out as soon as possible. Some will tell you that you have a certain amount of time to write these f...