The Polite One's Insights

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist Q)   Have manners lessened over time and why?  In the ‘50s, manners were taught in school.  Now manners and etiquette are not stressed at all.  Families too busy?? A) So true.  When I informed my mother of my intent to retire from my teaching career to teach, consult, and write about etiquette, she asked why.  She assumed manners were still taught in school.  Perhaps this is part of the problem.  Everyone is incredibly busy; we have more single parents, working parents , and children’s schedules are so full that a ten-year-old needs a cellphone calendar to stay organized—no one has spare time. This is the new family dynamic and parents act as if they assume that others are responsible for etiquette training.  Perhaps parents assume their children will learn vicariously through school or some after-school activity, plus they don’t want to waste any of their time correcting their children.  I suppose they feel as if they need to be the ‘good g

  This dress can also work for smart casual.) Casual Dress Code Definitions This dress code requires quality clothing, such as slacks with a classy top (for either gender), a knee-length skirt with a sophisticated top or a dress appropriate for visiting a restaurant. A jacket is optional but is an excellent addition. Business Casual Business casual doesn’t imply sloppy or t-shirts and jeans.  This dress code stresses quality slacks, sweater sets, polo shirts and sweaters, and dress shirts.  A sports jacket is a nice addition and gives instant credibility.   Smart Casual   This dress code is commonly used in the UK, where the word "smart" isn't automatically associated with a person's intelligence.  Smart casual refers to dressing "smartly".  So, clean, neat, dressy, yet not too formal attire is best.  Confused?  Well, there is a good reason for this, as there is no clear-cut definition for it.  Basically, if this is the requested dress cod

  Holiday Etiquette 101: Parties, Attire and More. Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors. Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populace can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.   Alternately, there is always that kind person who pays it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that would make all my holiday dreams come true.  We Are Not the Center of the Universe Surpr

  Etiquette 101: How-To Host a Perfect Holiday Party Ah, the smell of cinnamon sticks simmering in apple cider, the sound of laughter bouncing off walls, the sight of mistletoe dangling from the ceiling.  It must be the holiday party season!  With the holidays in sight, all would-be party planners are in high gear.   However, as the season progresses, those gears tend to get bogged down a bit with anxiety over nagging questions of decorum.  Because hosts want their guests to enjoy the party, they are uncertain about a myriad of issues.  Thus, have many questions.  Let us go over a few.        How soon do you send out invites for a holiday party ? The holiday season tends to become a blur with the numerous demanding engagements, gift shopping, and heightened emotions.  Therefore, it is best to send holiday party invitations at least three weeks in advance.  Evites are convenient and appropriate for this type of invitation.  Nevertheless, if you would like to take it to the next

  Halloween Etiquette Ghosts, ghouls, trick-or-treaters...oh my!  Halloween is the favorite holiday of many.  In fact, the national average, per-person spending on Halloween is well over $70. Since it appears we enjoy this holiday and enjoy sharing it with others, we really should consider the etiquette involved.   There are three major players in this Halloween game: trick -or-treaters, parents/escorts (those who escort the trick-or-treaters), and homebodies (candy suppliers).  Each of these players has very specific etiquette to follow.  Homies Those who choose to participate should make every effort to provide a safe environment by clearing the entry of anything that could be harmful to young ones.  Remember, they will be in costumes that may limit their eyesight. When they reach the door, smile, they are guests.  Offer candy to all, including escorts.   Besides the fact that it's polite, it just might keep the escorts' hand out of the child's bags.  In addition,

Follow these Tips to Avoid Insulting Guests As an etiquette specialist, I receive a myriad of wedding planning questions.  Most of these are about the bridal shower, as there are many misconceptions about this party.   Although still considered a gift-giving event by many, the main purpose of a bridal shower is to bring people together, thus generating excitement for the upcoming nuptials.  Due to the gift-giving aspect of the party, it is vitally important to host it correctly.  If not, it could appear a huge gift-grabbing event.   What follows are my never-to-break bridal shower rules.   Mothers do not host. Since most people still host bridal showers as gift-giving events, it is best mothers and close family members bow out of hosting duties.  It is simply common sense.  Naturally, mothers would try to garner the most gifts possible, as our judgment is impaired when it comes to our children.    For example, one mother of the bride contacted me because she was extreme

  Birthday Party Etiquette So, you want to host a special party that is in good taste.   What to do?   Considering that a child's birthday party is a gift-giving event, there is some etiquette to consider.  Since you are your child's best teacher, it's best you know what this etiquette is; and as such, you can use this event as a teaching tool.   Involve your child in the planning of the party with a focus on his/her guests in mind: refreshments, activities, thank you gifts, and notes.    Here's a bit of Q & A to help you and your child to plan politely. Dear Polite One,   I am inviting all my daughter's friends to her 12th birthday party . However, she wants her three closest friends to stay afterward for a sleepover.  When the party is over, how can I politely dismiss the eight girls who are not invited to the sleepover?    Sleepover, Dear Sleepover,  Ouch!  To help your daughter see how this might appear, ask her to help you plan the party.

  An Etiquette Expert De-Stresses Your Holidays I remember, not many years ago, the sweetness of the holidays.  Family gathers.  Friends meet over cookies and conversation.  Children are excited about the magic of the season.  Where did the sweetness go?  Is it lost with that matching sock?  It went into the dryer and now it’s gone—same as the holiday spirit.     Is it that we stress to the point of exhaustion?  We pack our days with longer work hours, family issues, and obligations beyond our household.  It’s no wonder there is a lack of reaching out to others and the pure joy of sharing. Nevertheless, we just may be able to get some of that back.  How?    As an etiquette consultant, I receive countless questions, especially around the holidays.   What follows are some of the most asked pre-pandemic questions along with my answers.  Read along, as my solutions to these situations just might help you bring the “Ho, ho, ho” back into your day.  Tactfully, how do we manage h

The Polite One Quizzes Cody Stark & Lori Wallace of Good Day Sacramento As an etiquette specialist, I receive many etiquette questions throughout the year.  Most, however, are around the holidays.  Gift giving and attire questions are the most asked questions.  Of those, most attire questions concern the ever-ambiguous business holiday party.  Is it a party or is it business?  Scary stuff.  Since so many have the same questions this time of year, it seemed newsworthy, so I appeared for a segment at a local television network, KMAX channel 31 for the Good Day Sacramento show.  We made the segment even more fun with a quiz.  Let’s see if you can answer these questions correctly as well.    May I regift the ugly sweater? Your great aunt gave you a sweater she purchased from Italy—one of a kind.  It looks like a dog sweater to you.  Can you regift it?    Yes, No, Maybe?  The Answer  No.  One, your aunt would want to see you in it.  She thought enough of you to shop for