The Polite One's Insights

  NAMISS Contestants Typically, I would offer etiquette advice here or some sort of story related to the concept of civility.   Not this time.   I'm shaking it up a bit based on a very recent experience, one I was surprised that I enjoyed.   My partner and I were asked to judge the Miss CA Teen pageant (Northern California) for National American Miss.   My first thought was to politely decline.   Images of "Little Miss Sunshine" danced in my head and the very thought of makeup on a little girl turned my tummy.   What is This Pageant About Anyway? Thankfully, I didn't reply immediately and instead did a little research.   NAMISS doesn't allow makeup on younger ladies and only allows a touch on older teens. Refreshing.   Inner beauty and future goals are a focus.   Now I was intrigued.   But what type of young lady and more importantly what type of parent would encourage participation?   This is important to me and beca...

  Studies indicate that treating others well, or using good manners, helps us build stronger relationships in business and our social lives.   This seems obvious.  After all, don't we all want to be treated kindly? Nevertheless, what do our young people think?  In their eyes, is using good manners at home or at school important?  Additionally, what do they consider good manners?  After reading endless articles of children staging fights just to record them for YouTube, I feared that they could care less about manners.  Surprisingly, from my interviews, I found that this is far from true.  Joshua of Sacramento, CA Knows What Good Manners Are Joshua, a 10-year-old living in Sacramento, California believes that good manners are extremely important.  When asked what good manners are, Joshua did not hesitate to state, “A person is well-mannered when he says please, thank you, and excuse me.  And we don’t ask for things when we a...

Frequently Asked Prom Etiquette Questions As an etiquette consultant, I receive many of the same questions around Prom time. What follows are the most often-asked questions with my replies. Question When is the best time to ask my date for the prom ? Answer Your date needs plenty of time to shop for the perfect attire. Therefore, it's best to ask your date at least two months before the date of the prom. If your date is not from your school, inform him or her of the expected formality of attire. Question Our group -- about 10 of us -- wants to extend our evening after the Prom. Our wish is to rent a room at a local hotel . What is best? Answer I can imagine that this is every parent's nightmare: teens spending the night at a hotel without chaperones. It may be best to organize an after-party at someone's home. Alternatively, your school might be interested in hosting this. A number of high schools host a closed-door all-night event after the prom. Local businesses...

    Do Manners, Civility, & Etiquette Matter to Our Teens? Do young teens even care about doing what is right?  Do they even know what manners are?  Find out here! How thoughtful and well-mannered are young teens?  Do they truly know what good manners are?  If so, do they consider them important in their lives?  As an etiquette teacher and retired classroom teacher, I decided to interview a group of 12 to 14-year-olds to find out.  Amazingly, they presented themselves with poise and maturity beyond their years-- impressive.  What are good manners and are they important in your life? All those interviewed believe that manners are especially  important  in their lives.  Most have relatively similar ideas of what etiquette and good manners are, like being respectful to others, knowing boundaries, and using good behavior in public.  All acknowledge that people judge the ill-mannered negativ...

Our Young Teens Speak Up  Middle school age children are usually associated with shrugged shoulders, rolling eyes, and contrived drama.   After all, they are just learning how to be a teen.   It can be a confusing time, as all of us who have lived through it can attest.   Even so, are today's middle schoolers well-mannered?   Are they well-mannered enough to teach manners to little ones?   How would they do so?   The etiquette teacher in me wants to know.   Consequently, I am off to interview 12 to 14-year-olds in my Davis, CA community.      Confident and Responsible What surprised me from the beginning was how direct these young people are, even the 12-year-olds.   All made excellent eye contact, were poised, and confident—very well-mannered. I expected that at least some would find my question odd, but no.   They all found it interesting; with some stating that they had not considered their role in younger people's...

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