The Polite One's Insights

Steps to Follow For Stress-Free Family Gatherings The family dynamic is changing ever faster and diversifying with multiple parental figures, spouses, sets of grandparents, and stepsiblings to visit and host during the holidays. Fold into this crazy mixture, different religions, ethnicities, and political leanings and it may be difficult to get along and enjoy this holiday season.  Therefore, we need a game plan.  Schedule and Separate If hosting, it is best to schedule different times for the divorced and never mention the former spouse unless asked directly.  Separation is best.  Speaking of separation, keep combatants as far apart as possible.  State the rules upfront: no discussion of ...usual button-pushing topics.  Simply, rules should include avoidance of politics or religion during family visits unless everyone shares the same beliefs.  For those guests visiting from out of town, reserve private time to visit—unless this isn't your f...

  An Etiquette Expert De-Stresses Your Holidays I remember, not many years ago, the sweetness of the holidays.  Family gathers.  Friends meet over cookies and conversation.  Children are excited about the magic of the season.  Where did the sweetness go?  Is it lost with that matching sock?  It went into the dryer and now it’s gone—same as the holiday spirit.     Is it that we stress to the point of exhaustion?  We pack our days with longer work hours, family issues, and obligations beyond our household.  It’s no wonder there is a lack of reaching out to others and the pure joy of sharing. Nevertheless, we just may be able to get some of that back.  How?    As an etiquette consultant, I receive countless questions, especially around the holidays.   What follows are some of the most asked pre-pandemic questions along with my answers.  Re...

The Polite One Quizzes Cody Stark & Lori Wallace of Good Day Sacramento As an etiquette specialist, I receive many etiquette questions throughout the year.  Most, however, are around the holidays.  Gift giving and attire questions are the most asked questions.  Of those, most attire questions concern the ever-ambiguous business holiday party.  Is it a party or is it business?  Scary stuff.  Since so many have the same questions this time of year, it seemed newsworthy, so I appeared for a segment at a local television network, KMAX channel 31 for the Good Day Sacramento show.  We made the segment even more fun with a quiz.  Let’s see if you can answer these questions correctly as well.    May I regift the ugly sweater? Your great aunt gave you a sweater she purchased from Italy—one of a kind.  It looks like a dog sweater to you.  Can you regift it?  ...

Not Grandma's Dating Etiquette Kiss on the first date? And, who pays? From many years of interviewing hundreds if not thousands of people, I have found the dating etiquette of today a bit different than in earlier years.  In the past, there were clear, distinct rules about almost every aspect of the date: the man asks the lady, he plays the gentleman, and he pays.  Today, there are some interesting similarities and a few welcome differences. Ladies and gentlemen take your places! Apparently, what is old is new again.  When celebrities start taking etiquette lessons, one can only assume that etiquette is cool once more. Angelina Jolie studied manners for her movie role in the movie Tourist and Sean Diddy hired an etiquette coach for his staff.  Both had and have reasons to craft positive gentlemen and ladylike images.  And, why is this so important and pertinent for the date?  First impressions a...

Skip the Typical Chick Flicks This V’Day  What are you planning for the most romantic day of the year?   Instead of going out for dinner and a movie, how about staying in?   Cook a romantic dinner and watch a movie for just you two.  During pandemic years, this is our best bet anyway!    For this evening, let’s consider three romantic movies of the ‘80s that both men and women might enjoy.  The Princess Bride  (1987) with Cary Elwes and Robin Wright   Lying in bed with a cold, the little boy’s grandfather begins telling a story.  After the first few sentences of the book, the little one sighs, “Ah no, is this going to be a kissing book?”    Intelligent and with perfect comedic timing, this story pokes fun at love stories and fairy tales, all the while unfolding an endearing love story.   It’s this back and forth between, love, action, and betrayal – wit...

Relationship Advice: Poll of 13 to 85 year-olds 1. Would you rather go on an old-fashion date or one of no gender expectations?  A)    Yes B)    No, I can open my own car door C)    It doesn’t matter Over 85% of all interviewed appeared to prefer old fashion dating manners.  Most men stated that they want to provide a memorial evening including all the old fashion manners mentioned.  20-30-year-old age group really want to know old-fashion manners rules. 2.  Is it appropriate for the woman to ask the man out for a date? A)    No B)    Yes C)    It’s best if the man asks, but it’s alright if she does  Answer   Both genders feel it’s best for the man to ask. Most consider the restaurant date the most appropriate for the first date.  3.  Should the man be expected to pick up the tab? A) ...

  Good Idea Or Not?    With the state of the economy, coupon clipping is becoming a national sport.  It seems a natural evolution due to our need to purchase items we want at the lowest price point possible.   This need is evident by the rapid popularity of coupons-for-everything websites like  Groupon .  Since coupon usage seems commonplace, using a coupon to pay for dinner appears a smart move.  However, it just may not be such a great idea when it applies to  the date .    Frankly, using a coupon while on a date is not an etiquette faux pas.  Logically, a coupon or gift certificate is as good as cash.  Nevertheless, as we all know, perception is everything.  Moreover, on a first date, and even the first few dates, both parties are sizing each other up.  Who is this person? What are his/her quirks?  Do I even like his/her appearance?  ...

  Events of Prom night are often burned into our memory like a movie that plays repeatedly throughout our lifetime.  Therefore, planning well is extremely important as I detailed in a previous article .   Even more important than planning well is remembering your manners, displaying courtesy toward your date, and realizing the etiquette expected of you.  So, gentlemen and ladies, let's get our game faces on!  It's time for Prom! Covid Warning: This advice is based on all of us being protected from a deadly virus.  Please be safe and wait until it is safe to socialize.   If Dining at a Restaurant As I mentioned in my previous article, it is perfectly appropriate to dine at home with your date.   However, if going to a restaurant , there are etiquette rules to note.   Most importantly, remember your basic manners.   One of which is to walk to your date's door to pick her up.   Don't just honk your horn. ...

  Although snow may still lie on the ground, it's time to begin planning for your prom.   There are many decisions to make, from transportation, attire, and dinner. Most importantly, who will be your date?   Covid Warning: This advice is based on all of us being protected from a deadly virus.  Please be safe and wait until it is safe to socialize.   How to Begin? If you decide to go, ask your date, or accept an invitation early. This gives you time to coordinate your attire.   Additionally, if your date is from another school, inform him/her of the proper attire. May I go to the Prom alone? There is nothing wrong in attending solo or with a group of friends.   In fact, this might be preferable as there is less stress; you don't have to try to please anyone.   If attending with friends, include them in the transportation and dinner planning.   How will you get there? Hiring a limousine is a popular option but can be awfully e...