The Polite One's Insights

Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors.  Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populous can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.  Alternately, there is always that kind person paying it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that would make all my holiday dreams come true.  We Are Not the Center of the Universe Surprise!  It is not all about us. Assuming others feel the ne

  The holidays arrive with a flurry of family events, the first of which is Thanksgiving.  Many of us consider thankfulness, like being thankful for the food on our plate and the good health of our family—especially during Covid.  Definitely, these are worthy of our thanks.  Create a Focus But in the realities of the day, we are probably also most thankful when the entire family can sit down peaceably and behave in a cordial manner, which is a stretch at times.  Often when a bunch of personalities sits at one table, even family , at least one person says something to upset another.  It may help for all of us to focus on what is important.  It isn’t who baked the best pie or who gets to sit next to grandpa.  It is, in essence, time and people.  We are taking the time to spend with those who matter most to us.  Now that we have our focus, perhaps it is time to discuss some strategies and rules.  Start with a Plan While typically the host is the person supplying the entire

Steps to Follow For Stress-Free Family Gatherings The family dynamic is changing ever faster and diversifying with multiple parental figures, spouses, sets of grandparents, and stepsiblings to visit and host during the holidays. Fold into this crazy mixture, different religions, ethnicities, and political leanings and it may be difficult to get along and enjoy this holiday season.  Therefore, we need a game plan.  Schedule and Separate If hosting, it is best to schedule different times for the divorced and never mention the former spouse unless asked directly.  Separation is best.  Speaking of separation, keep combatants as far apart as possible.  State the rules upfront: no discussion of ...usual button-pushing topics.  Simply, rules should include avoidance of politics or religion during family visits unless everyone shares the same beliefs.  For those guests visiting from out of town, reserve private time to visit—unless this isn't your favorite person.  If hosting th