The Polite One's Insights

  Celebrating the new year with a new home?  If so, you may be considering a housewarming party to break the new place in.  Often homeowner hosts this commonplace party for close friends, family, and—perhaps—a few new neighbors.  The premise is that you are "warming your home with love." Not stuff from others. While gifts are common, they are typically small token gifts , such as candles, picture frames, wine, plants, or a coffee table book.  However, gifts should never be expected and never the focus.  No gift table.  It’s not polite. There seems to be a bit of confusion surrounding this simple tradition.  In fact, some are confusing this party with a bridal shower, even calling it a "housewarming shower."  Regrettably, some homeowners register and expect expensive gifts from their guests.  Frankly, there is no such thing as a housewarming shower.  A housewarming shower has never been a thing . Embarrassingly, w...

  The holidays arrive with a flurry of family events, the first of which is Thanksgiving.  Many of us consider thankfulness, like being thankful for the food on our plate and the good health of our family—especially during Covid.  Definitely, these are worthy of our thanks.  Create a Focus But in the realities of the day, we are probably also most thankful when the entire family can sit down peaceably and behave in a cordial manner, which is a stretch at times.  Often when a bunch of personalities sits at one table, even family , at least one person says something to upset another.  It may help for all of us to focus on what is important.  It isn’t who baked the best pie or who gets to sit next to grandpa.  It is, in essence, time and people.  We are taking the time to spend with those who matter most to us.  Now that we have our focus, perhaps it is time to discuss some strategies and rules.  Start with a Plan While ...

Steps to Follow For Stress-Free Family Gatherings The family dynamic is changing ever faster and diversifying with multiple parental figures, spouses, sets of grandparents, and stepsiblings to visit and host during the holidays. Fold into this crazy mixture, different religions, ethnicities, and political leanings and it may be difficult to get along and enjoy this holiday season.  Therefore, we need a game plan.  Schedule and Separate If hosting, it is best to schedule different times for the divorced and never mention the former spouse unless asked directly.  Separation is best.  Speaking of separation, keep combatants as far apart as possible.  State the rules upfront: no discussion of ...usual button-pushing topics.  Simply, rules should include avoidance of politics or religion during family visits unless everyone shares the same beliefs.  For those guests visiting from out of town, reserve private time to visit—unless this isn't your f...

  There are so many possible variables when it comes to properly addressing an envelope, card, or letter.   This is especially true today with domestic partners and with ‘Ms.’ as a common option for women.   Our confusion, especially for older people, is easy to understand when we take into consideration that traditionally widowed women would use the title ‘Mrs. husband’s first name’ instead of her first name.   Today, however, in many locations women never use their husband’s first name.   So, what is proper these days in the world of correspondence?       Addressing a Woman Who Uses Two Last Names on an Envelope Dear Polite One , How do I address a business /social gathering invitation to a female associate who uses both her maiden and married name?  For example:  if they are Denise Dailey-Markham and Dale is the husband? Too Many Names Dear Too Many Names, You could list her name on the first line with his...

Some feel obligated to give gifts and thus don’t give thoughtful gifts.  Also, many are confused and do not know who they should give gifts to.  So, we should give gifts to only those with whom we want to give and consider the person’s preferences as we choose the gift .  This also means that we can and should keep our gift-giving list intimate. Gift Givers Give from the Heart Give something you feel the recipient would like. It’s only good manners . Give to only to those you wish to give to. Gift Cards are Fine As with other types of gifts, give the gift card the receiver would want. Know the receiver well. Gift Receivers Wear Your Happy Face Receive each gift with a positive response even if it isn’t what you would have chosen for yourself. A gift is special. Regift Carefully This can be done if handled correctly. The receiver shouldn’t know the original giver. The gift must be in the original packaging and never used. It shouldn’t be a unique, p...

  Dear Polite One I have a question regarding cotillion etiquette.  I enrolled my 12-year-old daughter in cotillion and was very careful to follow all extensive rules about attire.    I have a problem with how the Cotillion staff enforced their dress code rules.  What follows is what happened. Abiding with all rules, I bought a dress from the cotillion section of an upper-class clothier. The straps of the dress appeared to be within the guidelines, but I thought we’d still be safe due to a dressy sweater that was included. Once at the cotillion, my daughter visited the restroom while I went to the cotillion restaurant to get her a juice.  When I returned, I couldn’t find her anywhere and began to panic.  As I frantically searched, a father yelled over to me that my daughter was inappropriately dressed and wasn’t allowed in.  He also stated that she was waiting outside the building.   It was nighttime. Yes, she was outside, b...