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Top 4 Bridal Shower Etiquette Tips

Bridal Shower, weddings, parties and gift giving

Follow these Tips to Avoid Insulting Guests

As an etiquette specialist, I receive a myriad of wedding planning questions.  Most of these are about the bridal shower, as there are many misconceptions about this party.  

Although still considered a gift-giving event by many, the main purpose of a bridal shower is to bring people together, thus generating excitement for the upcoming nuptials.  Due to the gift-giving aspect of the party, it is vitally important to host it correctly.  If not, it could appear a huge gift-grabbing event.  

What follows are my never-to-break bridal shower rules.  

Mothers do not host.

Since most people still host bridal showers as gift-giving events, it is best mothers and close family members bow out of hosting duties.  It is simply common sense.  Naturally, mothers would try to garner the most gifts possible, as our judgment is impaired when it comes to our children.   

For example, one mother of the bride contacted me because she was extremely embarrassed about the actions of the mother of the groom.  Without asking the host, the MOG had invited all her out-of-town friends whom she knew could not attend.  Her reasoning was that these friends would ship an expensive gift.  Worse yet, none knew her son, and they were not invited to the wedding.  

Only invite wedding guests.

Since showers help create excitement for the upcoming nuptials, only those invited to the wedding may be invited to the shower.  It is extremely poor manners and hurtful to have non-wedding guests in attendance.  They could feel left out, especially when other guests mention wedding events. 

Consider if you really need a gift-giving shower.

In the past, couples needed extra help setting up their home, which was the purpose of wedding-related gifts in the first place.  Most commonly, these gifts were towels, sheets, kitchen items, and the like.   

Today, it is common for couples to bombard loved ones with wedding-related gift expectations—engagement, bridal shower, and wedding gifts.   Routinely, couples register for items such as honeymoons, high-end electronics, and riding lawnmowers.  

Far from being pleased with these expensive gift options, wedding guests ask me about the necessity of multiple wedding gifts.  Gift fatigue often strains relationships well before the wedding.  Therefore, it might be best to consider how these gift expectations affect loved ones.  Does the couple even need a shower gift?  If not, a gift-less shower may be more appealing and fairer to guests.   

Never ask guests to pay for the party.

The basic rule for hosting any type of party is that the host provides the entire party.  He or she never asks guests to bring their wallets.  This is especially true of the bridal shower since many still consider this a gift-giving event.  It is impolite to expect guests to bring a gift and pay for the party.  Unfortunately, many do not know this rule.   

Case in point, one mother of a bride needed advice about hosting her daughter's bridal shower.  She wanted to sell tickets to guests to cover the cost of their meals with the remainder going to her daughter for the cost of her honeymoon.  Her issue was that she was unsure how to phrase this request in an evite.  Gasp!  

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