Exploring the Gift Mania Craze
How
and when did this happen? It seems that suddenly,
the masses consider most any occasion a gift-giving situation. Taking it a greedy step further, the gift-crazed
often create personalized gift-giving events.
Even worse, these gift-miners inform their dollar-poor guests what gifts
they prefer. To that, I must say,
“Yikes!”
Some
etiquette rules evolved due to this phenomenon.
Whereas in the past, it was inappropriate to mention ‘no gifts
please’ in birthday, graduation, vow renewal, and anniversary party invitations,
now we can. It was inevitable. After all, when so many feel entitled to a
gift, we need a little guidance.
Let
us try to remember the basics. Gifts
should be given from the heart and because we want to give. Most importantly, we should never expect one
for any occasion. Here is a bit of Q
& A to help get us back on the proper etiquette road.
Graduation Party Gifts Requested
Q: My
daughter is graduating from high school. She has no college plans, as she
prefers to work at her current job. On
her graduation party invitation, how do I inform guests that she prefers to
have cash gifts? Does the fact that she
is not attending college make any difference in what type of gifts she
receives?
A: I am
sorry, but it is not appropriate to request gifts, especially cash. Can
you imagine receiving an invitation for a graduation and reading that you are
expected to bring your wallet?
A
graduation party is not necessarily a gift-giving event. The graduate or
her /his family hosts the party to celebrate an academic accomplishment. Focusing
on gifts implies that the receipt of gifts is most important.
Instead,
use this as a teachable moment. This is the perfect time for her to learn
that gifts are not the focus of human interaction. Sharing time with our
loved ones is most important.
But I Want That Housewarming Party Gift!
Q: What
is the proper way to ask for a housewarming gift?
A: This
would not be polite. In fact, a housewarming party is not a gift-giving
event per se. Gifts are typically
insignificant and inexpensive, like candles, a coffee table book, a bottle of wine,
or a card. Avoid hinting as well, since it is viewed as whining or
begging.
Second
Question from “Wants Housewarming Gifts”
Q: So on
the invitation, is it proper to say, "If you would like to give me
something, gift cards are greatly appreciated"? Is it proper to indicate the colors I use in
my house?
A: Sorry,
but no. It is never appropriate to request gifts. Requesting cash
or gift cards is even worse. You are hosting a party for yourself, so it appears
as if you are only inviting people to your home to receive gifts. This is
not polite. Mentioning your decor is
hinting and therefore impolite as well.
A
housewarming is supposed to be a
party, or gathering, to warm your home with the love of your family and friends,
and to get to know your new neighbors.
Adult
Wants Cash for B’Day Party & a Wishing Well
Q: How do
I ask for money as gifts on the invitations to my birthday day? There will be a Wishing Well also, how do I list
this?
A: Please
do not do this. It is inappropriate and
impolite to ask for money, especially for an adult birthday party. Moreover, people view wishing wells for any type
of event as gauche.
The
only type of gift request mentioned on birthday
invitations would be to request none.
The number one rule for hosting a party is that a guest should never
have to reach into his wallet.
More
by The Polite One
How-To Avoid the
Holiday-Etiquette Fail
Holiday Dinner Party
Etiquette: Minding Your Manners During the Holidays
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