How to Enjoy Family During the Holidays and Stay Sane

Steps to Follow For Stress-Free Family Gatherings

The family dynamic is changing ever faster and diversifying with multiple parental figures, spouses, sets of grandparents, and stepsiblings to visit and host during the holidays. Fold into this crazy mixture, different religions, ethnicities, and political leanings and it may be difficult to get along and enjoy this holiday season. Therefore, we need a game plan.

Schedule and Separate

If hosting, it is best to schedule different times for the divorced and never mention the former spouse unless asked directly. Separation is best.

Speaking of separation, keep combatants as far apart as possible. State the rules upfront: no discussion of ...usual button-pushing topics. Simply, rules should include avoidance of politics or religion during family visits unless everyone shares the same beliefs.

For those guests visiting from out of town, reserve private time to visit—unless this isn't your favorite person. If hosting the visiting family person, try to have activities planned for him or her. Notify nearby family so they may pay their respects.

As a Guest, Deflect

Dress conservatively and in good taste. Dress up a bit.

Offer to assist with preparations and clean-up.

Don’t drone on about yourself or talk too much.

Arrive and leave on time.

Avoid discussing controversial topics or anything that could cause conflict.

Don't ask potentially embarrassing questions in front of others: "Did you find a job yet?" "Are you dating yet (to a teen)?" "How's that rehab going?"

When tempers flare, smile and remind everyone about the focus of the day—togetherness.

Agree to disagree.

Suggested Dinner Conversation

Activities of the year.
Ask children what they want to do when they grow up.
Cultural events and local news are great options.
Play verbal games.
Ask everyone for what he or she is most grateful.

More by The Polite One

How to Survive The Holidays When Daily Life Interferes

How-To Avoid the Holiday-Etiquette Fail

Holiday Dinner Party Etiquette: Minding Your Manners During the Holidays

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