The Polite One's Insights

  It may be difficult to believe, but not long ago, those hosting a dinner party , seated couples separately to encourage conversation.   For those of us who feel tethered—in a good way—to our significant other, this made for an uncomfortable evening.   Thankfully, this is no longer ‘the rule’.  Now the well-mannered host can seat couples next to each other and not fear a dull evening or a slap on the wrist from the etiquette police.  Who Are Your Guests? The great host always knows something about his/her guests and attempts to learn more, like food /beverage preferences and restrictions, and if the guest is talkative or shy.   This makes it much easier to seat them across from a couple that may complement them.   In fact, seating complementary guests across from one another helps liven a gathering.   Seeing others’ faces helps stimulate conversation greatly. Anyone Want to Know About Crowder Vs. Ling? It is best to also know abou...

  "How do I eat..." is one of the many common questions I received daily as an etiquette specialist.   Here are those questions with my answers.   How do I eat bread or rolls? Place butter on the rim of the bread plate if you have one, if not use your dinner plate.   Tear a small piece of bread or roll over your plate and butter the bread eating one piece at a time. When eating soup, what do I do with the spoon when I am not holding it? Place the spoon in the bowl or on the bowl liner if provided.   Never allow a utensil to touch the table once it is used. Which bread plate is mine? Yours is on the left above the forks. At a family -style meal, which way do I pass the food? All dishes are passed from the left to the right. During a business meal, when should I begin to discuss business? Usually, you begin to discuss business after the first course, or appetizer.   If the group is not having the first courses, wait until after everyon...

  In my decades as an etiquette specialist, I’ve received countless questions about table manners and how to eat certain food.   So I’ve included information about this subject in a number of my books.   What follows is one small portion of Dining Etiquette : Essential Guide for Table Manners, Business Meals, Sushi, Wine, and Tea Etiquette. Apples: Quarter apples with a fruit knife or steak knife; the core is cut away from each piece and pieces are eaten with the fingers.   If you choose to remove the skin, pare each piece separately. Artichoke: Eat artichokes with the fingers one leaf at a time.   Dip leaves into the sauce provided.   Eat the fleshy part of the leaf, scraping it off between your teeth.   Place the leaf on the side of your plate.   Remove the choke, the small leaves with sharp points, with your spoon and add to the eaten leaves.   Cut the heart into sections using a fork and knife, and dip with the fork into the sauc...

  With our world seemingly shrinking due to our travels to other countries, and even the influx of unfamiliar (to us) foods, we may be in a quandary of how to eat certain foods.   Even our familiar food items are a challenge at times.   Simple questions such as, “In a nice restaurant, do I eat a sandwich with my hands or knife and fork?” There are two answers to this question, so of course we could be confused.   Let’s make it easy, the bottom line is that there are common finger foods, such as the sandwich.    But, if you can use utensils , it is preferential.     We want to keep our hands as clean as possible.   Barbeque??   Well, that’s where we look the other way and hope for hand wipes on the table.   Common Finger Foods Artichoke               Asparagus             Bacon, if it is crisp San...

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist Q)   Have manners lessened over time and why?  In the ‘50s, manners were taught in school.  Now manners and etiquette are not stressed at all.  Families too busy?? A) So true.  When I informed my mother of my intent to retire from my teaching career to teach, consult, and write about etiquette, she asked why.  She assumed manners were still taught in school.  Perhaps this is part of the problem.  Everyone is incredibly busy; we have more single parents, working parents , and children’s schedules are so full that a ten-year-old needs a cellphone calendar to stay organized—no one has spare time. This is the new family dynamic and parents act as if they assume that others are responsible for etiquette training.  Perhaps parents assume their children will learn vicariously through school or some after-school activity, plus they don’t want to waste any of their ti...

  This dress can also work for smart casual.) Casual Dress Code Definitions This dress code requires quality clothing, such as slacks with a classy top (for either gender), a knee-length skirt with a sophisticated top or a dress appropriate for visiting a restaurant. A jacket is optional but is an excellent addition. Business Casual Business casual doesn’t imply sloppy or t-shirts and jeans.  This dress code stresses quality slacks, sweater sets, polo shirts and sweaters, and dress shirts.  A sports jacket is a nice addition and gives instant credibility.   Smart Casual   This dress code is commonly used in the UK, where the word "smart" isn't automatically associated with a person's intelligence.  Smart casual refers to dressing "smartly".  So, clean, neat, dressy, yet not too formal attire is best.  Confused?  Well, there is a good reason for this, as there is no clear-cut definition for it.  Basi...

  Holiday Etiquette 101: Parties, Attire and More. Happy holidays!  Welcome to the season of heightened and widely varying emotions and behaviors. Holidays should bring us closer, but distractions often hinder our efforts.  Brick and mortar stores make it easier and easier to shop-till-you-drop by opening earlier and earlier.  Now the populace can push, shove, and sling never-ending profanities when they should be enjoying their pumpkin pie with family.   Alternately, there is always that kind person who pays it forward by purchasing a cup of coffee for the customer behind him.  The barrage of unkind and kind behaviors makes me a bit dizzy each year.  You too?  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a set of holiday rules everyone is required to read?  It would be even better if we all agreed to follow these rules.  Better yet, we all agree to use these rules going forward.  Now that...