Are Good Manners Dead?

Interview with an Etiquette Specialist

Q)  Have manners lessened over time and why?  In the ‘50s, manners were taught in school.  Now manners and etiquette are not stressed at all.  Families too busy??

A) So true.  When I informed my mother of my intent to retire from my teaching career to teach, consult, and write about etiquette, she asked why.  She assumed manners were still taught in school. 

Perhaps this is part of the problem.  Everyone is incredibly busy; we have more single parents, working parents, and children’s schedules are so full that a ten-year-old needs a cellphone calendar to stay organized—no one has spare time.

This is the new family dynamic and parents act as if they assume that others are responsible for etiquette training.  Perhaps parents assume their children will learn vicariously through school or some after-school activity, plus they don’t want to waste any of their time correcting their children.  I suppose they feel as if they need to be the ‘good guy’ when sharing the limited time they have with their children. 

Q)  How would you define the state of manners today?

A) A brief glimpse at the local newspaper confirms that we, as a society, are becoming ruder and less conscious of the effect our actions have on those around us.  Social media has allowed us to defame others from a distance without assuming any responsibility for the negative effect it has on its intended.  Individuals assault each other in grocery stores over masks.  Children commit horrendous crimes at incredibly young ages. 

In the last four years, good manners disappeared so quickly that we didn’t even see its passing, somewhat like a new extinct species.  The one positive is that some are noticing their lack of manners (proper etiquette) and are requesting help.  This leads me to believe that manners won’t completely die off.

Q)  Why is interest in manners trending up now?

A) I didn’t realize that manners are trending.  Could it be true that I would be in vogue for the first time in my life?  Well, if so, I am incredibly pleased to hear it.

My dear husband always says that the pendulum can swing only so far before swinging back.  The last four years have been the ugliest in recent memory.  So perhaps that pendulum is swinging back into the light of good manners.  

Additionally, many are now faced with situations for which they are entirely unprepared: out of work, lack of jobs, and fear of what the future may bring. Because many were raised without manners training, it may seem as if others are speaking a different language as they venture outside their comfort zone seeking a new career.  Etiquette training—which is basically people skills—should fill in those gaps.

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