Graduation Party Etiquette
Every
May, I receive a flood of questions concerning graduation party
etiquette. Some questions make me a bit
queasy. Nevertheless, the etiquette consultant in me won't allow it
to show up in my answers even though I'd like to say, "You're kidding,
right?"
The
most Tums-worthy are questions concerning registering and gift
requests. Some parents are convinced that their child deserves a
graduation party – including gifts – for minor
achievements. Unbelievably, this includes graduating from
kindergarten to first grade. I wish I were kidding, but
no.
As
parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children values. One
of those most important values is empathy which begins with learning they are
not the center of the universe. Rather, they are part of a grand world where
they should participate and contribute.
In
addition, they need to learn to give rather than take—to focus on
others' needs more than their own material gain. Parents cannot
teach their children anything positive by setting up a registry and requesting
cash gifts for their middle-school graduation.
What graduations should we celebrate?
The
graduations that are important enough to celebrate logically are clear:
Celebrate those graduations that translate to moving on, like high school and
college. Yes, middle schoolers move from one school to another; this
is true. Nevertheless, they are still required to go to
school. When graduating from high school, the choice is work or
college.
How
should we plan a graduation party?
First,
use the party as a teaching tool, as you are preparing your child for his or
her future. So, involve your teen in planning and inviting with an
eye on the budget, which also makes this a great financial teaching
tool. Since this should not be just another teen bash, help your
child to focus on thanking those who have been a part of his or her
life.
Next,
involve your child in planning the refreshments while staying within the
budget. Be careful though, if serving adult guests alcoholic beverages, be
diligent about children’s access to it, discussing legal and liability
issues.
Finally, ensure your teen assists with preparing the home or venue for party guests. Perhaps he or she can create many of the decorations making this a unique and special event--a one of a kind.
How to host a proper graduation party
Even
though the purpose of the party is to celebrate and honor your child's
accomplishment, emphasize the need for proper hosting. Since hosts are expected
to visit with each guest, role-play how your teen will meet and greet them
before the party. Practice proper introductions, handshakes, and
good eye contact. Then, during the party reinforce the lessons—all
great interviewing skills.
Good
hosts also ensure their guests are comfortable, which means they should not
have to ask for refreshments. Food and drink should be easily
accessible.
If
guests bring gifts, thank the guest, and place the gift out of sight stating
that you would not want others to feel obligated to give.
How
to teach thankfulness
After the party, make sure your teen handwrites thank-you notes to all who gave a gift. Mail these the very next day. Discuss the generosity of gift-givers, stressing that none were obligated to give anything.
Do
(s) and Don't (s)
- Gifts are optional and never a focus.
- No registering.
- Gift should be placed out of sight of other guests.
- The graduate must handwrite thank you notes immediately.
Please
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