Who, How, Where, and When of Wedding Planning
Who is seated where and when?
Steps, exes, and mothers oh
my! Encore weddings are increasingly
more common. This leads to even more
exes and stepfamily on our guest list. Add
this into the planning blender and sometimes we get a toxic mix. To avoid a mess, it's best to know where and
when to seat "honored guests" like our parents.
If parents are on friendly terms,
all may sit in front row. However, how
often does that happen? To keep everybody happy, separate and seat them in the
proper order.
- First: Groom’s father and stepmother (third row)
- Second: Bride’s father and stepmother (third row)
- Third: Groom’s mother and stepfather (first row)
- Fourth: Bride’s mother and stepfather (first row)
Who foots the bill?
Wallets
are a bit thinner these days, which can add even more stress to the wedding
planning process. However, the real deal
is this: the days of the bride's parents
footing the wedding bill are gone. Yes, it has been traditional for many years,
but things change. Young people have more choices than in the past. If they decide to marry, they should expect to
pay for it.
That is not to say that it is
wrong to ask if parents want to
contribute. Nevertheless, parents
shouldn't be pressured to do so. If they contribute, it is considered a gift with
no planning rights attached. Conversely,
it is polite to allow
parents to plan and invite guests if they have contributed. It is a slippery slope. So, consider this before asking for wedding
cash from parents.
How to invite guests to wedding and not the reception?
Since the wedding is the gift-giving
event, this would not be polite or fair.
To invite some and not all is classifying one
group as “good enough” to entertain and others only good enough to give the
couple a gift. The set-in-stone rule is
that we invite all wedding guests to the entire
reception.
How to determine the formality of the wedding?
We begin with time of day and
venue. Evening weddings tend to be more formal and if the site is formal, the
wedding should be too. Religion plays a
part as well. Catholic and Jewish weddings tend to be very formal, although
civil ceremonies could also be formal.
Formal wedding invitations convey formality with heavyweight ivory, cream, or white paper,
engraved and written in third person style using classic fonts. For informal weddings, there is more freedom
to customize invitations using informal language and style.
Nevertheless, the bride decides
formality through her dress
choice. If she wants a long beaded embroidered formal gown with veil and
cathedral train, she wants and plans a formal wedding.
Bottom line, the couple decides
formality by the gown/bridal attire, time of day, and venue. Guests guess formality by the invitation, time
of day, and location.
How to inform guests mine is a childfree event?
To
exclude children, it is best to include an inner envelope with the wedding
invitations and listing only those invited.
Unfortunately, guests often ignore this and tend to "invite"
their own guests, especially their own children. So, use word of mouth to spread the word as
well.
Be
prepared for some to abide by these wishes and some not. Those who do just may feel as if you
purposely excluded their children, resulting in hurt feelings.
Please
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