What do Good Manners mean to Middle Schoolers?

  

Do Manners, Civility, & Etiquette Matter to Our Teens?

Do young teens even care about doing what is right?  Do they even know what manners are?  Find out here!

How thoughtful and well-mannered are young teens?  Do they truly know what good manners are?  If so, do they consider them important in their lives?  As an etiquette teacher and retired classroom teacher, I decided to interview a group of 12 to 14-year-olds to find out.  Amazingly, they presented themselves with poise and maturity beyond their years-- impressive. 

What are good manners and are they important in your life?

All those interviewed believe that manners are especially important in their lives.  Most have relatively similar ideas of what etiquette and good manners are, like being respectful to others, knowing boundaries, and using good behavior in public.  All acknowledge that people judge the ill-mannered negatively and avoid interaction.  Fourteen-year-old Mitch concurs adding, "Manners and etiquette is behaving or acting in a certain way depending on your environment.  Therefore, if in a formal environment; you would behave very respectfully."

First impressions, body language, voice, and public behavior ...

Manners and etiquette are all about first impressions for 14-year-old Maylee.  She believes, "When meeting someone, it takes less than 50 seconds to make a decision about him or her.  It may change the longer you talk to the person, but first impressions are particularly important."  She adds, "It's about being very polite and open, not creepy or inappropriate."

Avery, age 13, feels similarly, "It's about how you address people and behave in their presence.  Those who don't behave well in public can be viewed as uneducated and ill-mannered." Beatrice, age 14, agrees adding, "Manners and etiquette is mostly about body language, but voice as well.  It's about showing respect."  Chiming in, Samantha, age 12, states, "Manners is what you use to look proper so you don't look like a fool when in front of others." She also thinks when she uses good manners, teachers take her more seriously. 

Does family culture influence how you learned manners?

Due to the different ethnic backgrounds of her parents – Scandinavian and Japanese—14-year-old Kelly, feels that manners are emphasized constantly.  Her Japanese grandmother is very particular about etiquette, like shaking hands when meeting people and making direct eye contact. She adds, "I value manners very highly because that's how I've grown up.  I think if we were more polite to each other, it would be better for all of us; we'd have a better world—not as much conflict."    

"My family is from China," 13-year-old Peter begins, "So our lives revolve around how well we treat our family members." Peter emphasized that respecting elders is especially important in his family.  He continues, "If you're not nice and show respect, your family doesn't approve.  It is all about respect.  So, I learned to show respect to everyone as well." 

Will the manners you use today help you get a job in the future?

Several stated that manners like shaking hands, making good eye contact, treating others well, and respecting others, make those around them feel better.  Those who clearly understood this also felt this is exactly how we need to behave in the workplace.  What follows is a great example. 

During the interview process, I came upon a lovely young teen from a class I presented recently.  Tess, an exuberant 13-year-old shares "Manners are important to me.  In fact, I'm a member of the National Charity League.  I remember you from our Mother/Daughter tea, where I learned so much.  When I went to another event, I knew how to shake hands, make good eye contact, and to be professional.  I received compliments from adults who said that I look and behave mature, as if I know what I'm doing.  It does help.  It will help me get a good job."  She adds, "If you aren't polite, you're probably not going to get very far."

Great kids, huh?!  I couldn't agree more with everything they said and believe. 

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