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Etiquette 101: How-to Plan Your Child's Birthday Party

 Children parties, Etiquette 101, birthday party

Birthday Party Etiquette

So, you want to host a special party that is in good taste.   What to do?  

Considering that a child's birthday party is a gift-giving event, there is some etiquette to consider.  Since you are your child's best teacher, it's best you know what this etiquette is; and as such, you can use this event as a teaching tool.   Involve your child in the planning of the party with a focus on his/her guests in mind: refreshments, activities, thank you gifts, and notes.   

Here's a bit of Q & A to help you and your child to plan politely.

Dear Polite One,  

I am inviting all my daughter's friends to her 12th birthday party. However, she wants her three closest friends to stay afterward for a sleepover.  When the party is over, how can I politely dismiss the eight girls who are not invited to the sleepover?   

Sleepover,

Dear Sleepover, 

Ouch!  To help your daughter see how this might appear, ask her to help you plan the party.  Of course, begin with your limitations, such as budget.  During the planning process, ask her how she thinks the "sleepover rejects" might feel.  In essence, she would be labeling some of her friends as better than others.  More than likely, she didn't consider how this could cause hurt feelings. 

It is best she concludes that a different date is best for the sleepover. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One


Dear Polite One,

Is it acceptable to discontinue sending invitations to a child’s birthday party to friends and family who seldom or ever attend? I feel like sending invitations knowing that they, most likely, will not attend is simply asking them to send a gift. 

Omitting Invitations 

Dear Omitting Invitations, 

There are no mandatory guests for birthday parties—even grandparents. Invite only those your child wants in attendance.  

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One,  

I am hosting a birthday party for my son at a family entertainment facility with 33 children and 36 adults invited.  I am covering the cost of the children which includes a buffet and unlimited drinks, rides, tokens for games, cake, and gift bags. How do I word on the invitation that parents need to pay their own costs?

Pay Up   

Dear Pay Up,  

There is no polite way to state that invited guests pay for the party.  Your alternatives are to pay for parents (all guests), state that if parents wish to attend, there is a $7 fee (you are not inviting them), or not invite them at all.   

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One, 

Is it proper to host a birthday party for a four-year-old a tad before her birthday?   When should I send the invitations? 

Early Birthday Party

Dear Early Birthday Party,  

Hosting the party any time near her birthday is fine. You may send invitations two to six weeks before the date of the party. 

Please do not mention anything about gifts. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One, 

Friends, with whom we have not kept in touch, invited my husband and me to their one-year-old son's birthday party.  We have a prior commitment and cannot attend.  Although we are typically generous with our gift-giving, I am struggling with the thought of sending a gift.  I feel that we only hear from them when there is a gift-giving event held in their honor.  I am starting to feel like they are looking for a handout versus a friendship.  What should I do? 

Begging for Gifts

Dear Begging for Gifts,  

No worries: no gift is necessary.  A birthday party for such a young child is more for the parent's benefit, rather than the children.   

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Dear Polite One, 

My child is invited to a birthday party for which we are unable to attend.  Are we obligated to send a gift even though this is not a family member or close friend?  My aunt says when you are invited to a party you are expected to send a gift no matter what.  Your advice would be extremely helpful!

Gift but Not Attending?

Dear Gift but Not Attending,  

No. You are not obligated to give a gift.  A card might be nice though.  Some etiquette rules change in time.  The old rule your aunt mentioned changed for the better. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Please Read

How Children Are Teaching Their Parents Manners

Anti-Clueless Advice: How To Plan The Perfect Graduation Party

Etiquette 101: How-to Host an Adult Birthday Party That Will Please Your Guests 

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