Not Grandma's Dating Etiquette
Kiss on the first date? And, who pays?
From
many years of interviewing hundreds if not thousands of people, I have found
the dating etiquette of today a bit different than in earlier
years. In the past, there were clear, distinct rules about almost
every aspect of the date: the man asks the lady, he plays the gentleman, and he
pays. Today, there are some interesting similarities and a few
welcome differences.
Ladies and gentlemen take your places!
Apparently,
what is old is new again. When celebrities start taking etiquette
lessons, one can only assume that etiquette is cool once more. Angelina
Jolie studied manners for her movie role in the movie Tourist
and Sean
Diddy hired an etiquette coach for his staff. Both had and have
reasons to craft positive gentlemen and ladylike images.
And,
why is this so important and pertinent for the date? First
impressions are everything! Plus, over 85% of all interviewed
appeared to prefer old fashion dating manners. Such as, the man
should hold the door for a lady, pull out her chair, help her into and out of
the car, and pick up at least the first two checks. In the past,
this was a given. Today, most men stated that they want to provide a
memorial evening including all the old fashion manners
mentioned. Although, if a relationship develops, both genders agree
costs should be shared.
It
is interesting to note that most men state that they want to be viewed as a
gentleman, but don’t know what to do and are concerned about it--most common
with the 20 to 30-year-old age group.
Wanna
go out?
So,
even though women want to be viewed as equal to men, it appears that most
women, secretly, desire for the man to request the date. Most men
interviewed feel the same. And most consider the restaurant date the
most appropriate for the first date. Perhaps it is that old brain
speaking to us from when we were hunters and gatherers. Perhaps deep
inside women really want our men to ‘take care’ of us (to an extent) and men
want this as well. Interesting.
How
about that second date?
If
a man wants a second date, it's best to pick up the tab on the
first. Of course, this point is arguable. When asked, most business
and scholarly women vehemently disagree, stating that they can pay their own
way. Certainly, they want to be treated well, but on an equal
level. And yet, most declared that their memorable dates were when
the date treated them as special and paid the tab.
Kiss,
shake hands, or ...
So,
what to do as the date ends? Thankfully with today's dating
etiquette, if we decide to close the evening with heavy breathing, there is no
fear of the "scarlet letter". Still, should
we? Perhaps since projecting a positive image is our goal, a not-too
passionate kiss might be best. Yes, it's fine to kiss on the first
date. The handshake would be fine as well, especially if this is
the only date.
Amazingly,
most of those interviewed agreed. This wasn't what I expected,
especially from the 20-30 age group.
This
has been an ongoing interview process for many years: ages 13-86 years and
multiple backgrounds (blue-collar, white-collar, and university
professors).
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