An Etiquette Expert De-Stresses Your Holidays
I
remember, not many years ago, the sweetness of the holidays. Family
gathers. Friends meet over cookies and
conversation. Children are excited about the magic of the
season. Where did the sweetness go? Is it lost with that
matching sock? It went into the dryer and now it’s gone—same as the
holiday spirit.
Is
it that we stress to the point of exhaustion? We pack our days with
longer work hours, family issues, and obligations beyond our
household. It’s no wonder there is a lack of reaching out to others
and the pure joy of sharing. Nevertheless, we just may be able to get some of
that back. How?
As
an etiquette consultant, I receive countless questions, especially around the
holidays.
What
follows are some of the most asked pre-pandemic questions along with my
answers. Read along, as my solutions to these situations just might
help you bring the “Ho, ho, ho” back into your day.
Tactfully, how do we manage holiday time with both families?
When
we marry, we don’t just hitch our wagon to one other. We are
coupling two—or more—wagon trains. With multiple parents,
grandparents, exes, and stepchildren, our family can more than triple with two
little words, “I do.” During the holidays, this can make our idea of
family sharing a bit tricky.
We
may not have the best relationship with our family. Nevertheless,
they are all family now. That said, barring any abusive members,
it’s best to try to fit all of them into our schedules during the holidays. For
those large, multiple-parent families, it may be best to visit with each side
before the holiday we celebrate and spend the exact day with just the immediate
family. In this way, no one should feel less important.
How do I politely decline a family holiday party invitation
due to discomfort around Dad’s new girlfriend?
This
is a tricky situation, especially if your parents are recently divorced or
separated. Feelings might be a bit raw. I would assume other
guests might feel uncomfortable as well. However, as it is in most
situations, try to remove yourself from the equation. Consider that
your father must live his own life, not one others perceive he
should. His girlfriend is part of that choice. This isn’t
to say you must like her right away. Your feelings are valid.
No need to rush.
If
this is not a situation you want to experience currently, say
so. You could simply state that you need more time to adjust to the
new family paradigm.
Since emotions tend to run high this time of year, how can
I appropriately approach those tough conversations?
It’s
typically best to have sensitive conversations in a calm, quiet, private
place. Depending on the person, a warm beverage, and some sort of
chocolate helps too. In any case, before beginning that deep
conversation, consider if it can wait until after the holidays.
For example, say you want to quit your job. In this situation, it’s best
to wait. Quitting your job may stress the budget, which adds
additional stress to your relationship--typically, we spend more money this
time of year. After the holidays, pour the libation of choice in a
private setting and have your quiet discussion. Chocolate is
optional.
My best friend doesn’t celebrate Christmas and always feels
left out. What can I do?
Not
everyone celebrates Christmas, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t include him or
her in some of the traditional elements. Avoiding the awkwardness of
what to do about gifts, invite your friend for the Christmas
meal. Perhaps include him or her in a Christmas Eve
gathering. There are so many ways we can all come together to
celebrate without religion entering the equation.
The
same goes for all religious holidays if non-family guests are allowed.
After losing her husband two months ago, my daughter is
grief-stricken. What can I do to help her this time of year?
As
she is bombarded with the traditional elements of the season they once shared,
her grief may deepen. Therefore, try to keep her busy and out of the
house. Invite her over often. Allow her to cry and to
talk about her grief as she feels the need. Most important, just be
available.
The bottom line.
If
we consider how others might feel in the circumstance in question, most likely
we will do the right thing. Slow
down. Listen. Spend time with those with whom you
care. Enjoy this magical holiday season!
Please
Read
Holiday
Tipping Interviews on the Today Show & KCRA Interviews
Enjoy
Halloween With All Treats and No Tricks
How-To Avoid
the Holiday-Etiquette Fail
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