The Polite One's Insights

  We have become a very casual society, which is positive in most situations. However, please dress up to attend live performances, such as ballet and opera. Although you may find others wearing jeans to the ballet or opera, it is in 'good taste' to dress up. Since many go to the ballet directly after work, in most cases, business attire is perfect.   Please avoid wearing jeans.   For Weddings Yes, wearing black for weddings is quite common now and very appropriate. It is no longer considered a faux pas.    More by the Polite One Casual is More Than One Style How should cotillion staff handle inappropriate attire? Are Good Manners Dead?

  Dear Polite One I have a question regarding cotillion etiquette.  I enrolled my 12-year-old daughter in cotillion and was very careful to follow all extensive rules about attire.    I have a problem with how the Cotillion staff enforced their dress code rules.  What follows is what happened. Abiding with all rules, I bought a dress from the cotillion section of an upper-class clothier. The straps of the dress appeared to be within the guidelines, but I thought we’d still be safe due to a dressy sweater that was included. Once at the cotillion, my daughter visited the restroom while I went to the cotillion restaurant to get her a juice.  When I returned, I couldn’t find her anywhere and began to panic.  As I frantically searched, a father yelled over to me that my daughter was inappropriately dressed and wasn’t allowed in.  He also stated that she was waiting outside the building.   It was nighttime. Yes, she was outside, b...

    In Medieval England, wiping your mouth on the tablecloth was expected.   As was eating meat with your hands or off the tip of a sharp knife.   But today, we have a different idea of what good table manners are.   Imagine sitting at a formal table and the person next to you leans over his plate as if protecting it from wolves, shovels food into his mouth, and burps loudly.   In truth, I can’t imagine sitting next to that person during any type of meal.   Basic Table Manners Rules Take a cough or sneeze attacks away from the table.   Once calm, return and apologize to other diners. With a few coughs or sneezes, turn away from the table covering your mouth with your napkin. Blow nose away from the table and never on your napkin. Use all your manners at the table: please, thank you, excuse me and please pass the… Elbows should be close to your sides, not flapping about, or placed on the table. Cut and eat one bite at a time. Chew with mou...

  Best Dressed Table:  China & Glassware There are three basic types of China: plates, bowls, and cups. Plates Dinner Plate : largest of the main plates, used for the entrée and salad, if there is no salad plate. Luncheon Plate : slightly smaller, usually nine inches in diameter, used for lunches and dinners. Service Plate or Charger :  decorative, larger than a dinner plate, used at formal dinners to hold the place setting.   Removed when the first course arrives or after the first course is finished.   Salad Plate :  smaller than dinner or luncheon plate, used for salad, first course, dessert , breakfast, or liner for bowl of soup. Bowls Cereal Bowl : round, deep, used for cereal and soups. Sauce Bowl : small, shallow, and used for sauces, small servings, and separating servings of foods. Cups and Saucers Coffee or Teacup and Saucer : there is no ideal or correct size or shape. Demitasse Cup and Saucer : much smaller than ...

  Best Dressed Table: Utensils As an etiquette expert, I am frequently asked about the multitude of utensils and which glass is used for what.  Some table settings can be a bit daunting, but they shouldn’t be.  There’s rarely an excuse to set more than three of any one type of utensil on the table at any time.  Plus, for very formal meals, the utensils are set in the order of the courses.  So, it is easy to choose the correct one.  Just choose the utensil that makes the most sense from the outside.   Say your current course is a soup.   Pick up the spoon from the outermost left of your place setting.   What follows is the basics of what you might find on a nicely set table.   Utensils There are three basic utensils: fork, knife, and spoon.  If there is ever a question of which one to use , just ask yourself if you need to stab it, cut it, or scoop it. Fork, Spoon, & Knife Forks Dinner Fork : all-purpose, used fo...

  Best Dressed Table: Linens & Centerpieces A good wood table is a great base for a perfect table setting.     Still, linens add drama and elegance.   Tablecloth : White is formal but can be used for any setting.   Use what you like. Traditionally it hangs 18 inches over the table. Place Mats :  used to protect one place setting.   Can be elegant or simple and made from any material. Table Runner : usually coordinated with placemats covering the center of the table. Napkin :  white linen damask, 24 inches square is formal.   Napkins may vary in size from one foot and larger.   Luncheon-sized is about 12-14 inches square and used for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Cocktail Napkin :  small about four inches square folded, used for cocktails and hors d’ oeuvres—paper is fine. Centerpieces Centerpieces should not be so tall to obscure diners view when seated. Flowers : a good choice if not too fragra...