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How should cotillion staff handle inappropriate attire?

 cotillion; girl; dressed up girl

Dear Polite One

I have a question regarding cotillion etiquette.  I enrolled my 12-year-old daughter in cotillion and was very careful to follow all extensive rules about attire.    I have a problem with how the Cotillion staff enforced their dress code rules.  What follows is what happened.

Abiding with all rules, I bought a dress from the cotillion section of an upper-class clothier. The straps of the dress appeared to be within the guidelines, but I thought we’d still be safe due to a dressy sweater that was included.

Once at the cotillion, my daughter visited the restroom while I went to the cotillion restaurant to get her a juice.  When I returned, I couldn’t find her anywhere and began to panic.  As I frantically searched, a father yelled over to me that my daughter was inappropriately dressed and wasn’t allowed in.  He also stated that she was waiting outside the building.  It was nighttime.

Yes, she was outside, but she was also sobbing.  Between the sobs, she said that the one of the workers said her dress was inappropriate and she needed to get her sweater, which was left in the car.  My daughter was too embarrassed to return and just wanted to go home. What scares and angers me is that this person told my 12-year-old daughter to go outside. Alone.  What saddens me is that my daughter would rather stay outside and leave rather than face this person again.

Was it correct for the cotillion staff to turn away a young child at the registration table?  How should the staff have handled this situation?

Upset Mom

Dear Upset Mom,

A cotillion should be a place of grace with everyone involved using the very best manners. The father acted insensitively and downright rude.  If he had overheard that your daughter was inappropriately dressed, he should have stayed with her.  As parents, we should care about everyone's children. At the very least, he shouldn’t have yelled out the attire problem.

The staff person shouldn’t have asked her to go outside.  She should have quietly asked her to wait for you and then informed you to get the sweater. Your child shouldn’t fear her more than the dangers of the night and be too humiliated to go back in.  This implies that the staff person wasn’t particularly nice to her.  

I am sorry that this happened.  There was no reason for it.  Yes, this person was wrong and rude.  

I hope you write to management about this incident.  

Sincerely,

The Polite One

More by The Polite One

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