The Polite One's Insights

  All funerals are an emotional experience filled with some sort of protocol.  However, those participating in a military funeral practice and perform every movement with precision.   Every fold of our flag, every movement, and every gesture is carefully executed.   Witnessing all the intricate protocol at the recent funeral of a relative piqued my interest to study flag etiquette.  When I want to learn as much as I possibly can, I go to the source for my research.  In this case, I read as many government sources as I could find and discussed the subject with military members responsible for performing flag rituals. What follows is what I learned.  Mourning When stated by presidential or gubernatorial order, an official  mourning period is typically reserved for designated government leaders.  Although the flag is flown at half-staff, it is raised to the top of the staff for an instant, lowered to t...

  According to government studies of school shootings, including an impressive document from the Department of Education, bullying can cause anger and thus has caused those bullied to strike out and shoot their fellow students.  Bullying includes name-calling, taunts, and physical contact.  Many school shooters claimed they had been treated badly and simply wanted payback.  Reflecting on this, could human behavior or bullying, have played a part in the tiger mauling a few years ago?  This is not to say that we should blame the victim, which is, in my opinion, a travesty.  But there are more than human victims here aren’t there.  As it stands, we do not know for sure, as several sources state, that the boys who survived the tiger mauling bullied and taunted her and may have instigated the attack.  Whether they did or didn’t doesn’t bring the young man or the tiger back to us.  But just the idea that they could have, necessitates a...

  The principals of Halloween Etiquette are no different from any other form of etiquette; everyone involved should display respect, consideration, and courtesy for others and their property.  But what are the rules of Halloween Etiquette?  Let’s review.  Treat-or-Treaters Respect People When receiving a treat, say “thank you,” even if it is a toothbrush.  No lights = no knock.  Darkened houses are off-limits.  We must assume they do not participate.  No knocking on doors after 8 pm.  Children are usually in bed by 8-8:30. Only ring the doorbell or knock on the door once.  Gather in groups no larger than five, more than that and children become too excited and noisy.  Many work outside the home and have no time to decorate.  If there is an outdoor light on but no decorations, assume that the homebodies didn’t have time to decorate.  They are fair game. If teens wish to trick or treat, they should dre...

  Studies indicate that treating others well, or using good manners, helps us build stronger relationships in business and our social lives.   This seems obvious.  After all, don't we all want to be treated kindly? Nevertheless, what do our young people think?  In their eyes, is using good manners at home or at school important?  Additionally, what do they consider good manners?  After reading endless articles of children staging fights just to record them for YouTube, I feared that they could care less about manners.  Surprisingly, from my interviews, I found that this is far from true.  Joshua of Sacramento, CA Knows What Good Manners Are Joshua, a 10-year-old living in Sacramento, California believes that good manners are extremely important.  When asked what good manners are, Joshua did not hesitate to state, “A person is well-mannered when he says please, thank you, and excuse me.  And we don’t ask for things when we a...

Preparing a child for school is more than shopping for the newest fashions and making sure he/she has enough #2 pencils.  Children need to take their best manners to school.  Those with good manners are viewed as socially savvy and are well-liked.  Manners are first taught at home. Not taught at school, manners and social skills are taught by parents in the home, for which there is no better teacher.  This can be a daunting task but shouldn't be.  There are countless teachable moments during each day to use.  When parent and child are together and witness a child taking something from another, this is a teachable moment.  When the child steps into another's garden to pick a flower, this is a teachable moment.  A parenting parent uses this particular moment to tell the child to stop, asks where her tiny feet are and where they should be.  She would then know that it is disrespectful to go into a neighbor's garden bed.  Shared m...

  Since many of us enjoy spending time in our local coffee houses, we should consider how our behavior might affect other coffee addicts who share the same space.  After all, for many of us, this outing is our brain tidy; a time to get away from work and other stresses of our lives.  To borrow a phrase from one coffee house, “It is not just coffee , it is an experience.”  Yet, to some, it is an extension of their office.  Nevertheless, to all of us, this is a shared space and not one that belongs to us.  No Blatant Table Swooping Recently, as I sat with my decaf java in an overly crowded shop, I noticed a blatant social gaff.  The affectionate couple sitting next to me — affectionate in a positive sense, not slobbering please-get-a-room sense — was preparing to leave.  As they gathered their belongings, an abrupt young man swooped in for the kill.  No actual bloodletting, unless we consider his now tattered reputation.   He sn...

Some feel obligated to give gifts and thus don’t give thoughtful gifts.  Also, many are confused and do not know who they should give gifts to.  So, we should give gifts to only those with whom we want to give and consider the person’s preferences as we choose the gift .  This also means that we can and should keep our gift-giving list intimate. Gift Givers Give from the Heart Give something you feel the recipient would like. It’s only good manners . Give to only to those you wish to give to. Gift Cards are Fine As with other types of gifts, give the gift card the receiver would want. Know the receiver well. Gift Receivers Wear Your Happy Face Receive each gift with a positive response even if it isn’t what you would have chosen for yourself. A gift is special. Regift Carefully This can be done if handled correctly. The receiver shouldn’t know the original giver. The gift must be in the original packaging and never used. It shouldn’t be a unique, p...