The Polite One's Insights

Holiday Tipping  All tipping is optional and subjective, yet in certain parts of the United States, tipping is almost mandatory. Take New York for example.  Not tipping a building super might lead to slow response times just when you need that leak fixed now.  Here on the West Coast, we are a bit more relaxed.  What follows is merely a guideline.    Note : Before tipping to those working for an agency or organization, however, check their gift-giving policy.  And, make a list of those you wish to tip and consider your budget.  Those Who Provide us a Service Regularly One session’s fee is usually appropriate. If you pay $20 a week to your gardener, an appropriate tip would be $20.   For those whom you see more often or give great service, such as a hairstylist, feel free to tip more.    Gardener Hairstylist/manicurist/barber Babysitter (after work) Pool cleaner Pet groomer House cleane...

  Golf Course Cart boy: $3 - $5 per bag Drink-cart girl: 20% depending on the order. Forecaddie: Typically, $20 - $25 per player Caddie carrying your bag: $40 - $50 Shoeshine or cleaning: $5 - $10 for one pair of golf or street shoes. Small errand: $10.  For example, this could be dinner reservations off-site. Large errand: $20 - $30. For example, this could be arranging limo service. Cruise Cabin Steward: Approximately $13 per day, per person. Waiter: $5 per day. Bus Boy: $3 per day. Maître d’: It is your choice; a lump sum is appropriate for doing something special. Bar/wine Steward: 15% is already included in the bill; tip more if you wish. Massage Therapist:  15% - 20%. Various Kindness is reflected in many ways.  One of these is to think of others, to be considerate.  To supplement a low wage, many people in the hospitality field depend upon their tips . Please keep in mind that all tipping is optional and interpretive....

Some feel obligated to give gifts and thus don’t give thoughtful gifts.  Also, many are confused and do not know who they should give gifts to.  So, we should give gifts to only those with whom we want to give and consider the person’s preferences as we choose the gift .  This also means that we can and should keep our gift-giving list intimate. Gift Givers Give from the Heart Give something you feel the recipient would like. It’s only good manners . Give to only to those you wish to give to. Gift Cards are Fine As with other types of gifts, give the gift card the receiver would want. Know the receiver well. Gift Receivers Wear Your Happy Face Receive each gift with a positive response even if it isn’t what you would have chosen for yourself. A gift is special. Regift Carefully This can be done if handled correctly. The receiver shouldn’t know the original giver. The gift must be in the original packaging and never used. It shouldn’t be a unique, p...

Holiday Etiquette: Q & A for ABC10 When Dina Kupfer contacted me for a segment she was compiling, I jumped on the opportunity to assist her.  Her questions are perfect for this time of year.  What follows are my answers to her excellent questions.  What to wear? Ask the host what his/her dress code/expectation are.  Other than that, dress for the type of party it is.  If it is a cocktail party, wear attire that is more formal.  One main rule is to dress more formally than for a non-holiday party.  The other is for women to dress conservatively, which means, “Minimize the cleavage”.  What to bring? Other than the typical block party or family gathering, a host shouldn’t expect the guest to bring any part/portion of the party.  A host, hosts.  However, a good guest always asks and provides the item.  That said, a good guest always brings a “ hostess gift ”.  This can be flowers, candy, wine, etc., or something sp...

The When & How of Expected Thank You Notes  Electronic communication is a part of most everyone’s life these days but the handwritten thank - you note is as important now as it was in the past. It conveys much more than thanks. It conveys that you are a socially savvy , thankful person who recognizes those around you and that you value them --a powerful and positive message. And the great part about writing thank you notes is that it takes so little time to do something so constructive. For a Gift?  Special Invite? If the note is for a gift , always address the envelope to the names on the tag remember ing to use titles, such as “ Mrs. ” You can use first names on the note. If the thank you is for a special dinner or invitation , you could use only the couple’s name on the envelope and mention children in the card. Additionally, please send all thank - you notes out as soon as possible. Some will tell you that you have a certain amount of time to write these f...

The Polite One Quizzes Cody Stark & Lori Wallace of Good Day Sacramento As an etiquette specialist, I receive many etiquette questions throughout the year.  Most, however, are around the holidays.  Gift giving and attire questions are the most asked questions.  Of those, most attire questions concern the ever-ambiguous business holiday party.  Is it a party or is it business?  Scary stuff.  Since so many have the same questions this time of year, it seemed newsworthy, so I appeared for a segment at a local television network, KMAX channel 31 for the Good Day Sacramento show.  We made the segment even more fun with a quiz.  Let’s see if you can answer these questions correctly as well.    May I regift the ugly sweater? Your great aunt gave you a sweater she purchased from Italy—one of a kind.  It looks like a dog sweater to you.  Can you regift it?  ...

  An Etiquette Expert De-Stresses Your Holidays I remember, not many years ago, the sweetness of the holidays.  Family gathers.  Friends meet over cookies and conversation.  Children are excited about the magic of the season.  Where did the sweetness go?  Is it lost with that matching sock?  It went into the dryer and now it’s gone—same as the holiday spirit.     Is it that we stress to the point of exhaustion?  We pack our days with longer work hours, family issues, and obligations beyond our household.  It’s no wonder there is a lack of reaching out to others and the pure joy of sharing. Nevertheless, we just may be able to get some of that back.  How?    As an etiquette consultant, I receive countless questions, especially around the holidays.   What follows are some of the most asked pre-pandemic questions along with my answers.  Re...