This interview was to be a part of a new podcast but never aired. We enjoyed our time together so much I felt the need to share this with you.
Acceptable Manners Different Today vs When You and I Were Kids?
For the most part, general manners remain the same generation
after generation. Most of us know to say
“Please, thank you and excuse me.” Most
of us know to hold the door for those behind us. However, “etiquette” changes with each
generation and now, even more often.
Etiquette is a set of rules society creates over a period of
time. For example, in my earlier years,
it was considered impolite to talk loudly on a shared home phone. It was also considered impolite to “hog” the
phone. Today, we—as a society—have
decided that talking loudly on a cellphone in public is impolite. Thus, manners are much the same, but how we
apply them changes over time.
Biggest Manners Missing in Society?
From my experience, it is the simple act of greeting others that
is overlooked in our society. In many
other parts of the world, this is considered one of the most respected acts of behaving
mannerly. For us, we appear almost
“embarrassed” to greet strangers. Silly,
really.
Other than that, it seems as if those in many countries—including
ours—strike out at each other online without considering that they are
attacking another person. It’s incredibly
sad that many have unknowingly become bullies.
Manners and the Generations. Your Take on Millennials
A quick study of each generation upon maturity illustrates that we
often mature similarly. Most fight the
considered norm of the day. We want to
be the “new and improved” generation. We
want to be the ones who get it right this time.
The millennials appear to be similar.
However, they have had it rough in their 20s and 30s due to a
devastating recession, which has made them hard workers.
Other than that, they appear to be struggling with their basic
manners. That’s not too surprising since
they are a generation of people raised by a generation of people who had no one
to provide etiquette and manners training.
In many cases, both parents worked to support their chosen
lifestyles. Good news though. From what I see, this is a generation where
they appear to value learning manners
and parenting as more important than lifestyle.
I have been in contact with many stay-at-home dads—many more than any
other generation in my history. And I’m old.
Manners in the Workplace
Yikes! In my twenty years+
of running Etiquette Now, businesses came to me with a solid plan to create a
productive and pleasant working environment for their employees. The last few years have been a struggle—especially
these last five.
Before the Covid quarantine, we saw more bullying and back-biting
in the workplace. It seemed like a rerun
of the ‘80s. After Covid hit, it was as
if sanity and civility left the proverbial building.
Even though there is a plan to move forward safer in the workplace,
we may still struggle going forward. Leave
economic business/employee issues for an economist to analyze. But considering our personal interactions...there’s
a ton of confusion and frustration expressed on all fronts.
The good news is that the pendulum can only swing so far for so
long, and I believe employers will figure out how to appeal to today’s employees—when
they can find them—and begin to implement programs to nurture them. And employees will eventually learn how to
keep themselves safe while also caring for those around them. After all, I believe that most of us learn
that we are all in this together.
Manners and the Digital Device
Double yikes! It’s become
commonplace to see a table full of people—of all ages—swiping at their cellphones
and not engaging in a conversation.
However, there is good news on this as well. Young people, especially teens, are creating
their own set of cellphone etiquette rules.
One rule that I have tried to teach, many already implemented quite
well. And that is to turn the cellphone
off when in the company of others.
Often, a teen/college-age person will share that all their friends place
their cellphones at the center of a restaurant table they are occupying. If someone picks up their phone, that person
pays the tab.
Etiquette in the Workplace
Other than expecting employees and employers to be “nice” to each
other, which is an issue these days, some etiquette rules are changing as
well. For example, until the
mid-nineties, it seemed commonplace to find alcohol in many workplaces. This changed as alcohol and work-grudges can
cause some serious issues, not even mentioning romantic liaisons that might not
have happened without libations. Thus,
most workplaces I dealt with became dry zones.
When the recession hit, the booze began flowing again. Of course, this is a generalization. But I had been in contact with many who
confirm this observation.
Not quite sure how Covid will affect alcohol in today’s workplace
but it’s just one element of office etiquette.
In general, though, workplace etiquette remains the same for now. Expectations for well-mannered behavior are
as high as in other decades. It’s just
that it doesn’t appear to be implemented as it once which is, or should be,
expected in this Covid era.
Etiquette and its Relationship to Empathy
Before these years of ugliness and contention, I noticed a
movement that encouraged empathy. Much
of that has evaporated with the heat of the last two elections and Covid. It is my hope that we can encourage the
movement to begin again and to heal the wounds of so many who feel anger or
hopelessness, which appears to be erupting on both sides.
Etiquette, the rules of civility, is based on behaving in such a
manner that is fair to all. This is
closely related to empathy. If we
empathize, we feel for each other and we would want to help others—very
similar.
More by The Polite One
Etiquette 101:
Courtesy, Consideration, and Kindness Matters Even in the Darkest Days
Yikes! Cell Phone Abuser is at it Again! I
Can Help With That
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